Every now and then, we all face those painful events that rip our hearts apart and leave us groundless for a while.
And we often find ourselves clueless as to what to do with all that suddenly appeared pain, grief and heartbreak.
In my experience, we tend to react in one of the following two ways:
One - denial and escapism in form of distracting oneself with overworking in order not to think or feel what’s present, jumping in a new relationship without having cleaned the dust of the previous one, searching for a relief in drinking, drugs, sex, partying, etc. Numbing in all shapes and forms, basically. For some reason we think that if we just run fast enough and refocus our attention, the pain will naturally die out with time.
Instead, it tends to leak out in other areas of our life, ‘causing mini explosions left and right, sabotaging our well-being in so many ways and once it gains enough momentum it explodes in a big way, manifesting either as a physical disease or otherwise as some form of mental/emotional imbalance.
Another automatic response is surrendering, sinking and letting the pain and grief take the reins of one’s life for as long as they wish. As important as it is to grieve and put all that hurt out of our system, it can become very dangerous if we fall into the loop of constantly recalling painful thoughts, going over and over those scenarios until we’re exhausted and completely paralysed and unable to continue with normal life even months or years after the actual event. It is a self-nurturing cycle that soon enough transforms into a downward spiral that can be very hard to break free of.
I’ve done lots of both, much more of the first than the latter and here is a little technique that helped me IMMENSELY to release and cleanse all that pent up hurt and pain, without falling into the abyss of darkness and depression.
What you’ll need?
How does it work?
So, basically, instead of suppressing tears all day long or putting your whole existence on hold while suffering 24/7 for extended periods of time, you schedule time for being with your emotions every day in the beginning and less often later on (as you feel needed).
You put a timer on 5, 10 or maximum 15 minutes (you can do more, of course, but I don’t recommend it, because we actually don’t need so much time to release emotional charge from our bodies, everything that happens after 15 minutes is recycling through recalling pain-provoking thoughts to our mind) and then you surrender and let come up what needs to come up.
If you need to trigger it at the beginning, you can use a song, scent, photos or whatever helps you pull it out of your system. Cry, scream, break plates, do what you gotta do. BUT, once the timer goes off, it is done for the day. Take a shower, refresh and go do something else (it is good to have something preprepared to avoid the risk of falling into emotional recycling mode).
How does this help?
This technique allows you to continue to live your life and take care of yourself even in the midst of hard times, as you know you have scheduled time every day to be with that pain and allow it to pour out of you. It does something to your brain to prevent it to think about it all the time, instead it knows that at x hours every day it can do so freely and without restrictions.
However, don’t expect that it’ll all miraculously go away in one, two sessions. Sometimes you’ll need 10, sometimes 20 and sometimes 50. Don’t judge yourself and be patient. By doing this you are doing a huge service to yourself and your well-being, but also to everyone else on this Planet as we are all connected (and we all know how people carrying trauma in their bodies treat others - we don’t want to be those people ;) ).
Tend to your wounds, but don’t let them enslave you.
Having the abundance of information ready for consumption in each and every moment of our day, on whichever topic we feel drawn to is a blessing. And a curse.
More often than not we got lost in consuming, consuming, consuming all the books, articles, podcasts, documentaries, driven by this insatiable thirst for knowledge and always on a look for that missing piece that will help us ‘figure it out’ and heal ourselves/ manifest the life we want/ change how we feel etc.
I’ve been there, too, my friends. And let me tell you something: accumulating knowledge and theories may be good in some initial phase of your journey, but it doesn’t really change anything, it doesn’t bring any palpable results and shifts. It is 5% of the thing. Other 95% is how we are going to put it into practice, not once, but repeatedly. Over and over again, until it becomes our second nature.
Now, I know that many of us rush through spiritual and self-help books without doing the exercises and practices that usually come along, thinking that ‘we’re gonna do them sometimes later’, ‘ok, I got the point, I understood how it works’ (but then never doing it and EXPERIENCING how it works) or ‘I don’t need that now, I’ll use it if I find myself in a X situation that requires that practice’.
Intellectual knowing that happens on the mind level is not emotional integration and will not bring energetic shifts that you want into your reality. And, usually, when shit really hit the fan, we cannot remember a thing of all that information and advice we devoured from 100 different spiritual resources.
So, my idea with this ‘Embodied’ section is to put together a toolbox with simple and effective tools that I used (and still use) on my journey and that helped me deal with all kinds of more and less fucked-up stuff. It will be no fluff, straight-forward applicable exercises and practices that you can run to whenever needed and (only!) if they resonate with you - whatever doesn’t ring your bell, just leave it. There are so many tools out there and it is important we find those that feel in alignment with our soul, because otherwise - we will feel resistant to actually putting them into practice!
Theory and intellectual-masturbation are all well and good, but of no purpose if we don’t anchor and embody them in practical ways in order for them to show their true colors and potential.