There is a lot to process in this human experience and only so much that our conscious mind can hold at the time.
That’s why we are wired to form beliefs about each event that enters our reality and to label it as ‘good’, ‘bad’, ‘neutral’ or else, so that every next time we encounter it, the energy expenditure to process and react to the event will be drastically smaller as it will come from a program installed in our subconscious mind at the moment we were first met with a certain phenomenon.
From one side, it is a very useful mode of operating, but from another it can be detrimental if our beliefs and meanings we assigned to things are not in alignment with who we want to be and where we want to go. We may spend so much time, energy and effort pushing in one direction, trying to manifest something our conscious mind fully wants and dreams of, but because of those subconscious limiting beliefs - we are failing over and over again and seem to be stuck forever.
Well, before we attack those subconscious limiting beliefs and start blaming all members of our closer and wider family for filling up our heads with so much bullshit from an early age - let’s understand that those beliefs have just one goal in mind: to keep us safe, to allow us to survive. They might be doing it all wrong, but that’s their ‘intention’, so to say. If you have a belief that rich people are bad, superficial and dishonest (even if you are not completely aware of that particular belief), of course you’d prevent yourself from earning the money you want and deserve, because there’s part of you that thinks that becoming rich will bring those characteristics to you and then you will be judged by your friends and family members the same way you judge rich people now, which means you will be excluded from the tribe and left alone, which means - death. At the base of every fear is the fear of death. As ridiculous as it looks at the first glance, you may easily confirm that once you dive into your shadowy halls and start dismantling those fearful beliefs.
Now, as I said, we have beliefs about everything and anything and sometimes it takes large amounts of self-awareness and self-honesty to bring those to light in order to reevaluate them, see if they really serve us and, if not, replace them with a belief that is in better alignment with our Higher Self. (Seems simple and quick to do when put this way, but it takes quite some practice and repetition until the mind is reprogrammed. However, it is worth the effort.)
We also have beliefs about the emotions. Belief creates automatic emotional reaction to an event, which would mean that we have emotions about the emotions. Think about it for a moment. Per example, when you feel jealous of someone and then there comes that guilt glued to it, because you have a belief that jealousy is bad and unholy. So, instead of feeling just jealousy - you get 2 for 1! Jealousy and guilt together - what a treat! In this case, however, you have two emotions of lower frequency which makes it somewhat ‘easier’ to digest. The same is when you have two emotions of the higher frequency coming in pair, per example you feel courageous about the new adventure you are about to embark on and proud of your courage, because you were taught it is a noble and highly valued characteristic.
The ‘problem’ occurs when we have one emotion of higher frequency with undertone of a lower frequency emotion, or viceversa. It is not ‘a problem' per se, but it may be an obstacle when we want (or think we want to) attain certain emotional state, but that underlying emotion (which has its source in a limited belief and meaning we gave to the principal emotion somewhere in our past) kind of trips us up.
I have that thing going on and I became aware of it only few years ago while I was talking to my psychiatrist, telling her how things are great and I feel so happy, inspired, excited, but at the same time - anxious and terrified as fuck. “Why are you afraid?” she asked. “Because I cannot feel this good. The higher I go, the lower I will fall afterwards. When there is so much good stuff happening to me, it means I’ll pay a damn expensive price very soon.”
I don’t think I was even aware of what I was saying at the time. I knew it was ridiculous and I probably laughed it off (“he he, I am so silly”) and we decided that I’d just enjoy it while it lasted and when darker times came again, we’d deal with them.
Needless to say, that ‘decision’ didn’t change a thing, and the underlying fear, that sensation of ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’ everytime things go really well for me remained, never allowing me to fully experience happiness, joy and excitement without the muddy waters of feeling unsafe, unstable and in danger.
On the other end, pain, feeling down and being sad felt comfy and safe. I was saying to everyone, myself included, that I want to feel better and more joyful, but on subconscious level that wasn’t true. If happiness and joy are unsafety, anxiety and living in the state of constant waiting for the shit to happen, and sadness and self-pity are warm, safe, ‘there’s nowhere down from here’, peaceful and familiar - of course my brain wants me to feel safe!
Remember: unsafety means danger, danger means possibility of death. Here we go again - death. It all comes to it. And how would I (or you, if you identified yourself in this story) allow myself to be happy if 95% of my brain connects happiness with death?
You see how it works. Be aware, friends. Do not rush headlessly in the direction of your so-called goals, fuelled by cheap, short-lasting motivation given to you from someone whose set of beliefs is nothing like yours. It takes hell lot of energy, gives you flaky results and leaves you frustrated at the end of it all.
Observe and question your thoughts, peel those layers, get to the roots. Choose lovingly which plants have to be removed from the garden of your mind and which you will plant at their place instead.
Awareness always comes first.
You are your greatest teacher and mentor. And the bigger the ability to be honest with yourself, the bigger the power you have to reprogram anything that doesn’t align you with your Highest Vision and the highest potential of yourself you came here to embody.