I was feeling so damn good for the past seven days, so aligned and tapped in... Been doing all the stuff I wanted to be doing, doing them while being 100% present, not having many thoughts and overanalysing that tend to happen a lot in my head... I was so high, so good, so excited about life, thinking to myself “oh my, this is it! I am finally free!” I even thought of abruptly quitting my antidepressants, ‘cause I was so strongly convinced I “hacked” it - I reached that point of rising above the suffering, above the attachment to the ego-self and tasting that constant connection with my higher true, spiritual self.
...and then Monday came.
Woke up suuuuper early (even for my standards), with a headache, jumped on a yoga mat, did my Ashtanga yoga practice followed up by meditation, EFT tapping, gone to the gym... I’ve done it all, you guys, But something ws still very off. Momentum kicked in during the night and I shed into pieces for two long days.
Lots of pain, unhealed parts, all of it got to the surface. I automatically thought of taking a pill that my therapist prescribed to me to “chill down” when feeling about to have total nervous breakdown and then go to the faculty as I don’t like to miss classes if I “don’t have to”. But, I didn’t. I didn’t take the pill.
The thing is - that what I’ve been doing all my life. Some emotions try to get out of my body, release themselves and as that process is not so pleasurable to put it in mild terms, I would run to something that’ll numb me put and “resolve” the problem, at least it would seem that way at the first glance.
Actually, what I’d do was simply pushing all down, suppressing it - and it’d catch up with me later every single time and usually in even more painful form.
So, I stayed at home crying all that shit out. I feel dehydrated and exhausted but more peaceful as well. I believe this was an important day on my journey and I cried out some long forgotten moments that were keeping me imprisoned and unfree.
It’s not always all rainbows and butterflies and it does no good to anyone forcing feeling good, if that’s not on Universe’s to do list for the day.
I could have maybe raised my vibration in some way (p.e. taking the pill) and shy away from experiencing all the shit that called for my attention, but, honestly, I don’t believe that’s always the best way as much as I am all for positivity and reprogramming our minds and belief systems in order to reaching higher frequency and better quality of our life experience as the consequence of that.
Just surrender, my friends. Trust the process. Give into pain and feel it, as it can teach us so much. Flow with it and discover all the hidden gems that it holds for us.
Lots of love,