As connected as I naturally am to my intuitive side, I spent most of my teenage years completely cut off from my internal guidance. Day after day, I’d be shutting its voice and finding the shelter within the mind, rationally evaluating any doubt and decision I was about to take and running to others for the advice and direction, whether I really needed someone else’s advice on the topic or not.
My only sources of guidance were rational evaluation and other people’s opinion. I kind of forgot how did it feel to “hear the whispers of my inner guide”.
I was left completely confused when my therapist asked me for the first time:
-OK, but what do you FEEL you wanna do about that?”
-What do I FEEL? Well, obviously there are x advantages and y disadvantages, therefore I should...
-No no no, not what you SHOULD do or what they want you to do, but what your heart wants?
My heart?? I had no idea. I lost the access to that part of myself and it took some serious work and tuning in to rediscover the path to that calm, safe, knowing place within me.
The reason why I am writing this post is because innumerous number of times along the journey to reconnecting to the voice of my intuitive side, I stumbled upon the challenge of discerning whether it was really my intuition speaking up or whether it was just the fear trying to prevent me from doing something that may benefit me and bring joy to my heart, but it is at the same time risky, uncomfortable and requires some courage. And, sometimes, it is reaaaally hard to distinguish one from the other, as the fear, in desperate want of our Ego to protect us, knows all the tricks to mask itself and hide behind any role that’s needed in order to get our attention and persuade us to choose it.
Intuition is like a muscle, the more you tap into it and train it - the stronger it gets. However, in order to get to that point and start developing the muscle, we have to do some deep inner work, getting quiet on regular basis and tapping into our inner space so we can learn - or really remember - the language of our heart and soul. When I’d be in doubt which voice is my intuitive voice and which is the fear-based one, I’d say outloud the question that I’d have and put a hand on my heart space, closing the eyes and getting really aware of anything happening in that space. Then I’d say one after the other possible solution to my challenge and stay conscious of how it feels in my chest while I am pronouncing one particular possibility. If the sensation is warm, expanding, calming and evolving - that was my intuition saying “yeesss, that’s the right way”. If I’d feel a sudden drop in energy, getting slightly tense, the sensation of closing in the Fifth Chakra area, almost like fog entering my body - I’d know it was the fear speaking, trying to prevent me and save me from potential hurt and disappointment.
If you are still struggling a lot or just from time to time (I, personally, still do sometimes when it is about stuff I am particularly sensitive about or topic that tends to trigger the old wounds and patterns) to hear the voice of the Internal Guide, don’t be harsh with yourself, give yourself love, acceptance and - patience. It takes time, it takes being quiet, staying superaware, being willing to look inside and... trust. Trust that you can find that place, that your body gives you signals and that there is nothing you can really DO about all of this other than listen... really listen.