So funny you, humans, are.
Praying for help
terrified of having to change any of your ways.
Praying for change,
for a miracle,
a mystical intervention
and then holding with your
palms, teeth and feet
prefering to die before
shifting the way you see.
There are undiscovered lands
of joy and abundance
waiting for each one of you
if only you trusted a bit more
and controlled a bit less,
listened a bit more
and talked a bit less,
WERE a bit more
and DID a bit less.
Each one of your prayers
The question then is:
are you ready to
hear the answer?
are you willing
to let it all crush down
what you’ve put years into building
from the place of no heart
and act upon the call
that cannot be explained
it does not need?
are you ready to face the fear
that arrises as you’re about to
step on the path without
destination in sight
while the soul rejoices
and mind panically pulls you
to at least consider other choices?
You have the answers.
Your prayers have been heard.
Release the reins and watch with
how much ease and grace
That fog that sets in
and takes hold of your lungs
That sudden density
grabbing your wrists
that you are so determined
to avoid and push down
that makes you
reach out for another cigarette
drag yourself to the fridge
in search of a short-lived relief,
to fill another glass
and each gap of silence
in order to outvoice
its heart-pinching hum -
It’s in that feeling that your power lies.
It’s within that feeling that your salvation resides.
just for once,
let it spread freely
throughout your bones
just for once,
let it speak up and express
what it wants to express
just for this time,
let it take hold of every cell of your body
and surrender bravely
to whatever might arise -
Let it make you scream in terror
and squeeze your heart
in its despair-soaked grip;
Let it show you the array of fears
that you’ve been carrying around,
wondering why everything’s so hard;
Let it show you where you’re keeping small
Running headlessly in circles around the fire
too horrified of getting burned
in order to reclaim your power.
That feeling, my friends,
That uneasiness at the pit of your stomach
That burning that needs to be walked through
but you are avoiding to do it -
It is the only thing that keeps you enslaved.
#poetry #darknightofthesoul #discomfort #shadowwork #addiction #self-discovery #spirituality
I’ve been crying a lot recently.
Even though I’ve always been someone who cries quite a bit (at least compared to what other people let me know of their crying sessions), it is not that often that I am visited by these enormous waves of all kinds of mixed emotions that break through and send me to sometimes hour-long trips in which I am gasping for air, bending in rushes of intense pain, swimming through seas of sadness ocassionally getting pulled by the strong currents of rage, anger and despair. Once I reach the shore, I feel physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, but relieved - or at least partially relieved (which means there’s another trip in plan for me in a couple of hours or maybe the next day).
If you have ever read anything I wrote, you’d know how much I’m against any form of emotional supression or avoidance. It never resolves anything, it pushes things aside where they grow stronger and uglier just to explode in the worst possible moment or otherwise leak into your day-to-day life in form of weird habits, addictions, depression, opsessive eating habits, passive-agressive behaviour… you name it. You will have to deal with them now or later, in one form or another, so in my opinion it is better to face them head on and have the clean slate for living more joy-filled life later on.
Having said that, the temptation to give in to some numbing or distracting tool when you are dealing with such strong avalanches of emotion several times a day, is high and real. It can be really tiring. What’s even more tiring, other than feeling all those painful emotions bumping into the walls of my physical vessel while trying to find their way out, is the mental process that kicks in everytime I embark on my tearful release journeys. What the fuck is this? What’s wrong with me? Why I feel like this? Is it because of _____ or ______? How can I stop this? I am psycho, I am hopeless, I am so deeply fucked up, will I EVER be stable? I am so ashamed of myself blah blah blah… It goes on and on, making the pain escalate even more and making me go purely hysterical, half pitying half hating myself until I become aware of that voice and start separating myself from it and tell it to shut the fuck up, it is already hard enough. It is a damn taugh job to stay mentally strong in order to distinguish the mind’s voice from your true essence when you are in the midst of an intense emotional turmoil - so props to everyone who manages to do it, I admire you, guys.
I imagine that stupid voice’s speech doesn’t differ a lot from one person to another (at least from what I’ve heard) and I am hundred percent sure there’s always the phrase, that obvious and logical and practical, but oh-so-fucking irritating, phrase that I, myself, am guilty of pulling out 9 times out of 10 when I see someone crying and the phrase is (you guessed it) -
Why are you crying?
Why are you crying? It is a normal, logical question in a world when situation A necessary leads to emotion B, in every person, no matter their age, personality, character traits, sensitivity, accumulated emotional trauma, hormonal imbalances, past life experiences etc. etc.
Well, let me tell you something. We don’t live in that world. We would like to, because it would be easier for us to grasp and hold onto something stable in order to understand what the fuck is going on around and inside of us, but we don’t.
Tell me if I am missing something here, but I don’t think we can ever truly understand why a person is having an emotional release in form of crying (or any other) nor that there is a “reason” in the way we like to think there is. It is probable that even the person going through it doesn’t really understand it, but forces themselves to go over with a fine-tooth comb through everything that preceded the explosion, looking for that trigger that was responsible for the meltdown, but… that trigger is just that - a trigger. The accumulated emotional charge was there from before and once it was too much to be held inside - it had to be let out and cleansed. It is actually useless to try to detect the “cause”, ‘cause there are so many and at the end of the day… does it really serve you to understand it? Will it help you prevent more suffering in the future? How can you be sure of that? How can you even be sure that you traced down every single ingredient of your emotional vomit? There’s no way to be certain of that.
And I believe there’s no purpose in doing that.
I am telling you that, because I tried. I tried so many times to understand, to dissect, to judge myself, to hate myself, looking for the cause, the source, the…the… SOMETHING that is at the root of the pain that emerges periodically and abruptly. The other day, while I was in midst of it, third time around in the same day, my lungs aching, my lips and eyes red and swollen, grasping for the 15th tissue with my left hand, exhausted as shit and slowly but surely out of strength to deal with it… I saw a word. The word. My word, the word that I need the most and that’s why I tattooed it on my left wrist.
Surrender…surrender…surrender… I started whispering it to myself and noticed the silence spreading through my head, the brain emptying out. There was a moment of peace, the suffering subsided and then I felt a stab of pain coming from my womb… and I allowed it. I surrendered to it. I cried and let it come out through my eyes, letting the energy leave the space of my body.
We don’t have to understand it. We don’t have to try to explain it. We don’t need to feel guilt or shame for not having a palpable “reason” for our emotional meltdowns. We just need to let it occur, let it come and go, without placing any label on it. It may seem an impossible task to do, but it makes the whole thing immensely, but IMMENSELY easier. Because once the storm is over, you take a deep breath, you feel a new space that has been liberated and you go on with your life, enjoying more serene days, instead of overchewing and asking why of the storm over and over again. It doesn’t matter.
Stop asking why. Stop trying to understand it. Stop resisting it, fighting it. Stop trying to make it stop and give in to it.
Surrender to it.
And thank it for cleansing you and taking away those dead parts of you that you no loger need.
I love you.
How does it happen that something we love to do so much simply ceases to be the priority and falls into the background of the everyday rat-race while we’re trying to keep up with the pace of our life and the world?
What it is that pushes us away from our medicine in times when we need it the most, blurs our sight and tricks us into thinking that there are more urgent, more important stuff to be done than connecting to our inner flame, the Source within us, the soul?
Ironically, what happens in those situations, when we deny our soul the medicine it needs, when we let ourselves fall off the track for a day, two, three, a week… it gets harder and harder to swallow the pill. Days pass and the resistance increases, we don’t even want to open the pill container, let alone take those pills that would bring our soul back to life. So, we hide the box in the dark, humid place and forget about it - even though, let’s be real - we never really forget about it.
It stalks and haunts us during those restless nights, it appears in the foggy visions at the dawn when our minds are not yet alert enough to shut the images down, push them back to the black hole where they emerged from. Paradoxically, the more we avoid the medicine the more present it is in our lives - the dance of the starved soul and the ever-increasing resistance to feed it never stops, bringing the unexplainable malaise and excruciating pain that we cannot track down to its source.
Feed the soul and things will fall back into place, I heard.
Yet, I didn’t obey.
Until I was forced to.
Even now, when I finally sat down and took time to write - which is my medicine, my sacred tool of understanding, releasing, expressing, connecting with my soul and my inner wisdom - even now I feel immense amounts of resistance. However, I know I cannot continue delaying and avoiding - there’s only so much starvation a thing can handle before it completely withers down and God only knows if and when will it be possible to bring it back to life again.
So I write. I am trying to get quiet enough to hear the voice of my soul again against the loudness of my mind’s bullshit. It is hard. I am trying to remember the tone of her voice as I left it behind for last few months, swept away by the events, emotions and general overwhelm of life. I put aside writing ‘cause it felt too much, it felt too much to feel, to process, to see the things black on white, to feel the realness of the tornado that passed over just when I felt I reached the calmer ground. I was feeling too much and being vulnerable, even if just in front of myself - seemed like too big of a challenge at the time.
What I want to say to you today, dear friend, is…
Make feeding your soul the priority.
A starved soul cannot wait too much before it starts to decay, infecting the rest of the body with its poisonous fumes, stealing the colours, one by one, from our world and turning down the vividness of our perception.
Then it takes tool on our emotional and spiritual wellbeing, washing us over with the waves of sudden and inexplicable rage, frustration and bitterness, coming finally to the densest of all - our physical body. Aches and pains start to pinch from here and there, even to those of the greatest health up to that point. The sparkle in our eyes dies out from one day to another and soon enough we fail to remember it was ever there in the first place.
Finally, a starved soul decides to enlarge the territory of its dominion, desperately wanting to fill the profound dark hole that it is, so it starts to suck the energy from around, making us act out and treat unjustly and badly those around us, even if they come with nothing but love and openness lurking from their pockets.
A starved soul will do anything and everything to satiate its emptiness, yet there’s only a scarce palette of options that can really feed it and each one’s palette contains different set of colours, so you better get to know what yours are and you better get to use them often - as often as you can - until it’s too late.
Because a starved soul can wait only as much before it starts to decay.
There’s a thing you’ve been called to do, a role you’ve been called to step into, an action that you’ve been invited to take… but you haven’t done it yet.
Maybe you’ve been flirting with it on several occasions, dipping in the little toe to check the temperature of the water before jumping in fully and surrendering to the waves’ and currents’ will to take you wherever they intended to, wherever you were MEANT TO be taken.
You know that all the excuses are irrelevant and ridiculous when it comes to your Soul-Journey, so please spare us both of those. We know them by heart already and what good have they brought us anyways other than kept us stuck in place, letting us sink deeper and deeper into the muddy ground all the while we’re dreaming of taking off to the starry nightsky?
Mmmm yeah…. but no, not tonight.
Or next year.
Or how about the next lifetime?
I tell you what. How about we all stop with our bullshit and finally take that plunge that we were invited to take for a very good damn reason? You are ready and I am ready, too, even if it doesn’t seem so at all - the Spirit wouldn’t be calling us forward if it taught we weren’t ready.
So, now it’s the time, friend. Jump.
Let go of the Ego’s grip and whispers that fill up your head with doubt and fear. It wants to keep you safe, but “safe” is an illusion and what it really means is miserable, dead in a fully functioning physical body. You don’t have a choice anymore, there are people waiting, there are souls depending upon you jumping into the water and embarking on your divine mission.
Do not dissapoint us.
Do not dissapoint YOU.
How much longer do you think you can silence that nudge from within? How much longer can you listen to the callings from the Above and remain still, without taking the responsibility for your sacred mission and finally taking that goddamn action?
Don’t dissapoint yourself. Don’t trade your Soul for comfort of living in shadow. We need you. We need to hear your voice and bask into your unique light.
Can you do it right now, my friend?
Can you close those beautiful eyes of yours, breathe in the light that’s the true nature of who you are and decide?
Decide that you’ll take the step, the jump, the move in the direction that terrifies you and makes you sweat, but your heart knows it’s the right one. Decide to listen to the Callings of your soul and endure the heaviness of the path as you proceed knowing that you are in the exact place where you should be. The place in which you Soul flourishes and expands.
Let’s stop “playing it safe”, ‘cause there was never such a thing, anyways. Let’s stop being dead and dimming our light, ‘cause it may intimidate someone who hasn’t embraced theirs yet.
And I’ll tell you one thing: it may intimidate them at first, but it will call them forth, as well, planting the seed of desire to step into their own magnificence, too.
I love you.
Do it. Jump.
Lean into me -
I’ll receive you with open arms and loving heart
whenever you decide it’s time to come back home.
Lean into me -
I have no intention of hurting you nor I ever had
- it was you all along hurting yourself
through resisting my help.
Lean into me -
I am safe and I live inside of you
around you and
I am all there IS
all that remains
once the illusion fails
and its pieces start to fall at your feet,
cover the floor
with their shiny glow
DON’T GO THERE!
there’s no turning back.
you can try, but you’ll only cut your hand
leave them where they are
let them be swallowed by the ground
Lean into me -
Have no fear ‘cause
there’s no fear where I reside
and you can stop trying
to “hold it all together”
and allow yourself
for once to be held
(there was never nothing to be “held together” anyways nor there’ll ever be)
so please -
Lean into me -
as you lean into yourself
‘cause me and you
are much of the same
so each time
guilt or blame
doubt or shame
start lurking into your lane
Lean into me -
and Ill set you free.
We are all creative.
Yes, ALL of us - even you raising your eyebrows and blowing off in disbelief while reading these lines.
If you find that hard to believe, chances are you’ve been confusing the word “creative” with the word “artistic” and not surprisingly so. Many of us use those words interchangeably, as they were synonyms, or otherwise addressing someone as being ‘creative’ while what they really mean is ‘artistic’.
Somehow it happened that our society started to use the term “creative” in contexts strictly related to arts and little by little we forgot that we all possess that often celebrated trait of “chosen ones”, that the creativity is the basic essence of our human nature. That does not mean that we are all artists in the primary meaning of the word, yet we all are Artists, we all are Creators at a much larger, grander scale.
As a part of the Creator itself, we cannot be anything else than Creators ourselves, creating at each step whether we are consciously aware of it or not. The ability to create lies within us and if we don’t claim it, embrace it and fully own it, if we don’t open ourselves up to learn its language and the ways in which it operates - it can easily happen that we proclaim ourselves victims of it and start to blame the external force for something in our life that’s the creation of our own.
The sole purpose of us being here on Earth is to create and explore the ever-growing limits of our creative potential and while doing so be witnesses of the expansion of the Universe and the collective consciousness that happens along the way. Times are coming (and they already came) when all of the beings will be finally faced with the power they have been searching for centuries out there - in the rivers and at the tops of the mountains, while it was always and since the beginnings resting in their very own hands, in their minds and in their hearts. The illusory idea that misguided us for so long, the idea that the power resides in something separated and external to us - has finally come to its last breaths and we are understanding that there’s nothing “separated” nor “external” in this Universe, so the only place where it can be ‘hidden’ is the place we never dared to look for until now.
Having the power comes with having the responsability. Knowing that it is in our hands to bring forth any idea from the higher realms into the 3D form is appealing and horrifying at the same time. It is not enough to know that we have the power to create - we have to train it, study it and get extremely honest with ourselves about what we want to create and why - is the desire for the certain creation coming from the heart place or from the Ego? But that’s the topic for another post.
If you are one of those “non-artsy” people that is still coming to terms with the discovery that you are indeed ‘creative’ too and wanna dive right into this new-found superpower of yours - go on and try it! Have fun, explore! Connect to that inner playful part of you, daydream and jump into the imaginative realms of your mind where barriers and limits no longer exist.
When you do something - anything - leave aside the idea of “how it should be done” or how someone else would do it and instead flow with your instincts, follow that fun-seeking, exploration-craving voice within your heart even if you don’t see where it is taking you.
Usually, we cannot see where it is taking us, because it is revealing new, magical places that our minds couldn’t come up with on their own - it is opening new spaces both to our own awareness and, at times, to the others' awareness as well - which leads to the enrichment and expansion of the collective knowledge.
It is exactly through surrendering and trusting THAT little, playful voice that discoveries and breakthroughs are made, both on individual and collective level - as if there was ever any difference between the two.
Lots of love,
I’ve always seen myself as someone who likes changes.
Actually, I believed I thrived from them, craved them, couldn’t handle standing in the same place for too long, always having this deep urge to move, explore, transform, bring new into my life and shed old, get rid of all that stale stuff that wore off and lost their shine with the passing of time.
Recently I realized that it’s not true.
As someone who has tendency to control, who finds shelter in the illusory sense of ‘having control’ over anything and everything, who uses that same control as the anchor to ground themselves when things seem to be floating too high in the air and there’s no firm ground they can rest upon - I found that I do love changes and very much so but ONLY if I make them, only if it is myself that makes a conscious decision to do something, to introduce a change into my life on my terms and according to my schedule.
Even though I said that ‘control’ doesn’t exist other than as a mind-construct that we run to for a hit of false safety, I realized I like changes only if I am ‘in control’ over the pace and conditions in which they occur.
When they come suddenly and without notice, I can feel the solidity of the ground beneath my feet melting, my chest contracting and waves of anger, frustration and fear overflowing my whole body. I get so angry. Angry at the Universe, angry at myself for not having predicted what was about to happen and for not being able to keep my calm, let go of the rigidity my personality has tendency to cling on and simply flow... Flow, adapt and dance with the change.
I started to analyse and reflect upon my relationship with change, primarily upon my attitudes toward the changes within my emotional body - that has always, but even more so during the recent months as I stopped taking my antidepressant medication, been very unstable, very temporary in its states and everflowing - changing its shape, colour and direction from minute to minute. I wondered if my anger and frustration were connected solely to the changes in my internal world or they got triggered with the external, natural changes that I have no control over whatsoever, as well.
Summer period in Portugal can be tricky and for the last few weeks days were going from extremely hot to dark, cold and gloomy, sometimes passing the entire spectrum of sun, rain, hot, cold, wet, dry and windy - all in just one day. I’d enjoy a warm, sunny morning, making plans for passing the afternoon sunbathing on the beach when suddenly thick clouds would appear out of nowhere and in no time I needed a warm blanket to keep myself from shivering and catching a cold in the midst of July. I noticed how frustrated it was making me, how angry I’d get with weather, as if it was someone’s fault, as if there was a way to control it or prevent rain from falling and wind from blowing.
I noticed how much I started to complain, how much resistance I cultivated within my body and mind for this simple natural flow of changes that happens everywhere since the beginning of time. Why can’t I accept and flow with these natural changes? Why do I need to get angry and make myself suffer through resistance instead of learning how to adapt, how to flow, how to surf the ever-transforming shapes of this Universe?
With that newly gained awareness of self-provoked suffering through resistance to the natural flow of life and changes, I decided to teach myself to dance with it, to stay open and see beneath that resistance - look into the eye of the fear that comes from the belief that if I am not “in control”, if I don’t see the change before it actually steps into my reality - I am not safe.
Consciously practicing softening my body and mind through breath at first signs of stiffness climbing up my spine - I decided to broaden my vision and see if I can apply the same principles to my emotional states. What would happen if I looked at my feelings the same way I look at the weather? If I accepted that they change from moment to moment, that I can flow from excitement to sadness, from bitterness to happiness, from feeling connected to feeling isolated and lonely in a split of a second? What if I stopped resisting that flow and actually accepted it as it was? What if I surrendered to the dance, softened my body and learned the movements instead of staying stiff and tense in the corner, trying to remain firm in the place, while strong winds are blowing from all the directions, pushing me to the left at one moment and to the right the next one?
I have been a highly sensitive and emotional person my whole life and through believing it was wrong and inconvenient - I grew extremely resistant to that strong flow of feminine energy within me. I tried to push myself into the box, control the waves by neglecting all the expressions of my internal weather.
I tried to artificially create tropical climate inside of me, with no rain or clouds, turning the blind eye to the fact that I am not that and that there’s beauty even in places where weather shifts and transforms from one moment to another.
Now I see that I am the storm and the rain
Burning sunrays and painfully cold wind
that was forcefully put
into tiny metal box
I am removing my hands from the box, releasing the force and the strength to keep it tightly closed... and I watch the Ocean getting free, dancing in its expressive beauty and unpredictability.
And I am accepting that not everyone likes the Ocean.
Some people even hate it.
But that is no more good enough reason for me
to try to fit into a tiny metal box.
As connected as I naturally am to my intuitive side, I spent most of my teenage years completely cut off from my internal guidance. Day after day, I’d be shutting its voice and finding the shelter within the mind, rationally evaluating any doubt and decision I was about to take and running to others for the advice and direction, whether I really needed someone else’s advice on the topic or not.
My only sources of guidance were rational evaluation and other people’s opinion. I kind of forgot how did it feel to “hear the whispers of my inner guide”.
I was left completely confused when my therapist asked me for the first time:
-OK, but what do you FEEL you wanna do about that?”
-What do I FEEL? Well, obviously there are x advantages and y disadvantages, therefore I should...
-No no no, not what you SHOULD do or what they want you to do, but what your heart wants?
My heart?? I had no idea. I lost the access to that part of myself and it took some serious work and tuning in to rediscover the path to that calm, safe, knowing place within me.
The reason why I am writing this post is because innumerous number of times along the journey to reconnecting to the voice of my intuitive side, I stumbled upon the challenge of discerning whether it was really my intuition speaking up or whether it was just the fear trying to prevent me from doing something that may benefit me and bring joy to my heart, but it is at the same time risky, uncomfortable and requires some courage. And, sometimes, it is reaaaally hard to distinguish one from the other, as the fear, in desperate want of our Ego to protect us, knows all the tricks to mask itself and hide behind any role that’s needed in order to get our attention and persuade us to choose it.
Intuition is like a muscle, the more you tap into it and train it - the stronger it gets. However, in order to get to that point and start developing the muscle, we have to do some deep inner work, getting quiet on regular basis and tapping into our inner space so we can learn - or really remember - the language of our heart and soul. When I’d be in doubt which voice is my intuitive voice and which is the fear-based one, I’d say outloud the question that I’d have and put a hand on my heart space, closing the eyes and getting really aware of anything happening in that space. Then I’d say one after the other possible solution to my challenge and stay conscious of how it feels in my chest while I am pronouncing one particular possibility. If the sensation is warm, expanding, calming and evolving - that was my intuition saying “yeesss, that’s the right way”. If I’d feel a sudden drop in energy, getting slightly tense, the sensation of closing in the Fifth Chakra area, almost like fog entering my body - I’d know it was the fear speaking, trying to prevent me and save me from potential hurt and disappointment.
If you are still struggling a lot or just from time to time (I, personally, still do sometimes when it is about stuff I am particularly sensitive about or topic that tends to trigger the old wounds and patterns) to hear the voice of the Internal Guide, don’t be harsh with yourself, give yourself love, acceptance and - patience. It takes time, it takes being quiet, staying superaware, being willing to look inside and... trust. Trust that you can find that place, that your body gives you signals and that there is nothing you can really DO about all of this other than listen... really listen.
I pulled my hair back from my forehead, preventing it from getting into the way. Once it’s over, I don’t want any scent to remain. I don’t want to linger here more than necessary.
Just get over it and move forward, flush the memory with fresh water and watch it disappear down the black hole.
Arched over the toilet, all of my body hurting, surrendering to the overwhelming urge to let it all out - the only problem is there is nothing left inside. The emptiness is too heavy for my system, it burns the walls of my stomach and melts the sore edges of my eyes. I breathe in deeply, letting my skin stretch out, allowing the warm air to caress my aching insides, breathing out rage, hate, pain, black, yellow and dense remains that I somehow believed to serve me.
You are safe now.
Why I keep feeling this way then?
If all of the demons are gone who is it that is ripping my chest from the inside?
It was always you who did that, the voice answered. There was never anyone else. No one else exists. You took their words, squeezed the juice out and drank it all the way down. It’s ok, though - that was the best you could do, it was the only thing you knew how to do. Now, however, you can choose again. I am giving you the opportunity to spit out those spiders, throw the poison out and fill their place with whatever YOU like. Choose wisely.
My knees are trembling as the last drops of the bittersweet liquid leave my lips. I can see faces and silhouettes forming out of the fumes of my vomit, shouting at me, trying to make me feel guilty, trying to make me change my decision and reopen the gates of my fortress. I am stronger now, though. I am not letting them find shelter in my rooms again.
Yesterday, while walking back home, I started picking flowers to put them into that room that had been left empty. I don’t know how to hold flowers and where to place them, they are uncomfortable to carry around, it is all strange and new and I am still getting used. My eyes tear up from their colours and their smell makes me cough.
Give it some time. It is this that you want, right?
It is. The faith that it’ll become more natural with time is what sustains me. The faith that it is really only me who can decide what and who can get in. It took me so long, but I finally learn that I can close the door at any time.
You see. It was always you. The one who picked the flowers and the one who cleared the way for the spiders to come in. Don’t forget that. It is the only thing that matters. Keep the room clean and safe, but don’t close the window, let the air and light sneak in. Mop the floors every once in a while, but don’t close the window. It is the openness of the window that matters, do you hear me? When you close it, you might feel safer, but that is when the Flow dies. That is when all those flowers you carefully carried all the way home will wither.
I love you and you are supported.
It is up to you to decide whether you want to see it or turn your head the other way.
It is up to you, darling.
But, whatever you decide, remember that there is always the opportunity to choose again.