So funny you, humans, are.
Praying for help
terrified of having to change any of your ways.
Praying for change,
for a miracle,
a mystical intervention
and then holding with your
palms, teeth and feet
prefering to die before
shifting the way you see.
There are undiscovered lands
of joy and abundance
waiting for each one of you
if only you trusted a bit more
and controlled a bit less,
listened a bit more
and talked a bit less,
WERE a bit more
and DID a bit less.
Each one of your prayers
The question then is:
are you ready to
hear the answer?
are you willing
to let it all crush down
what you’ve put years into building
from the place of no heart
and act upon the call
that cannot be explained
it does not need?
are you ready to face the fear
that arrises as you’re about to
step on the path without
destination in sight
while the soul rejoices
and mind panically pulls you
to at least consider other choices?
You have the answers.
Your prayers have been heard.
Release the reins and watch with
how much ease and grace
There’s a thing you’ve been called to do, a role you’ve been called to step into, an action that you’ve been invited to take… but you haven’t done it yet.
Maybe you’ve been flirting with it on several occasions, dipping in the little toe to check the temperature of the water before jumping in fully and surrendering to the waves’ and currents’ will to take you wherever they intended to, wherever you were MEANT TO be taken.
You know that all the excuses are irrelevant and ridiculous when it comes to your Soul-Journey, so please spare us both of those. We know them by heart already and what good have they brought us anyways other than kept us stuck in place, letting us sink deeper and deeper into the muddy ground all the while we’re dreaming of taking off to the starry nightsky?
Mmmm yeah…. but no, not tonight.
Or next year.
Or how about the next lifetime?
I tell you what. How about we all stop with our bullshit and finally take that plunge that we were invited to take for a very good damn reason? You are ready and I am ready, too, even if it doesn’t seem so at all - the Spirit wouldn’t be calling us forward if it taught we weren’t ready.
So, now it’s the time, friend. Jump.
Let go of the Ego’s grip and whispers that fill up your head with doubt and fear. It wants to keep you safe, but “safe” is an illusion and what it really means is miserable, dead in a fully functioning physical body. You don’t have a choice anymore, there are people waiting, there are souls depending upon you jumping into the water and embarking on your divine mission.
Do not dissapoint us.
Do not dissapoint YOU.
How much longer do you think you can silence that nudge from within? How much longer can you listen to the callings from the Above and remain still, without taking the responsibility for your sacred mission and finally taking that goddamn action?
Don’t dissapoint yourself. Don’t trade your Soul for comfort of living in shadow. We need you. We need to hear your voice and bask into your unique light.
Can you do it right now, my friend?
Can you close those beautiful eyes of yours, breathe in the light that’s the true nature of who you are and decide?
Decide that you’ll take the step, the jump, the move in the direction that terrifies you and makes you sweat, but your heart knows it’s the right one. Decide to listen to the Callings of your soul and endure the heaviness of the path as you proceed knowing that you are in the exact place where you should be. The place in which you Soul flourishes and expands.
Let’s stop “playing it safe”, ‘cause there was never such a thing, anyways. Let’s stop being dead and dimming our light, ‘cause it may intimidate someone who hasn’t embraced theirs yet.
And I’ll tell you one thing: it may intimidate them at first, but it will call them forth, as well, planting the seed of desire to step into their own magnificence, too.
I love you.
Do it. Jump.
I want you to know one thing:
Your body loves you.
Deeply and unconditionally.
In every moment of every day.
Even when it doesn’t seem so and especially then when it doesn’t seem so.
Even when you are stuggling and enduring those awful pains that cut through your head and above your eyes and nothing seems to help to alleviate them; even when you are losing your breath in the midst of a panic attack and your heart is racing like crazy and cold sweat is dripping down your back while you’re simply standing in the line at the grocery store and there’s no obvious danger in sight; even when you get overwhelmed with sadness and tears fill up your lungs and brain and spill out of your eyes while you are trying your hardest to hold them in and not let anyone see those deep oceans of pain that you’ve been swimming through; even when you are tired for days and weeks on end, lacking motivation and energy to do the simplest things; even when you get sick out of nowhere, just a day before that important event or trip that you’ve been looking forward for months, even when… (fill in the blank)
Your body loves you and tries to protect you.
The problem lies in our expectation that what it should protect us from is some kind of external “danger” or sickness, but the truth is that most of the times what it protects us from is, actually - ourselves.
To fully grasp upon this idea, we have to see the body not merely as a mirror of what’s been going on at the physical level, but as a physical manifestation of what has been happening on all layers of our body: mental, emotional and spiritual. It is when we don’t deal with the issues while they are still floating in those more subtle bodies, that they dense up and invade our physical bodies in order to call our attention. Not out of cruelty or some “evil fate”, but as a simple and direct form of self-preservation, as a survival instinct that we were gifted with upon the arrival on this Planet.
I know that in theory it may sound completely logical (or absolutely absurd and senseless if you’ve never come across metaphysical explanations of medical conditions before), but it is through integration of this knowledge in our own lives that we can truly reap benefits of it - if we are ready to look beneath our “misfortunes” and get honest about how they served us, how they protected us and from what and, eventually, reach the state of gratitude for those states, events and conditions, finally understanding that it was all along just our body loving us, saving us and protecting us.
It was not until recently that it became clear to me, as I was trying to explain to myself why I was getting fever and colds so often lately (it is the only way to stop me from running around like maniac, pushing myself way over my limits and overtraining for the sake of “mental health”, khm, khm), that I realized how those depression and anxiety I was “fighting” for so long (and that still sneak up and invade my system every now and then) were, actually, serving me. They were gifts I was trying to get rid of in every and each way possible before even unwrapping them and seeing what they’ve been holding inside. There is no condition, circumstance, relationship or behaviour that will continue being an active part of our reality (no matter how much we want the opposite to happen and are working towards it) if we are not getting so-called “secondary gains” from it.
Here is where things become tricky as we have to get painfully honest with ourselves.
How does depression and constant lack of energy serve you? What do they protect you from? Which of your needs are now getting met while without those conditions they weren’t?;
How does that abusive relationship that makes you suffer and cry all night through actually benefit you? Which of your needs are getting met in that painful and unloving situation?;
How does having social anxiety serve you when on conscious level you want to attract beautiful, deep friendships and you cannot even get through 5 minutes of introductory chat without getting into the freeze-state?
I could continue on and on with various situations and conditions, but you got the point. Ask yourself those questions, get the piece of paper and see what comes up - don’t filter anything, no one will see it, but do it for yourself - please, do it. The first time you start maybe just the superficial reasons will come up and few days later a new insight may emerge and let it be so… there’s no need to force anything or judge the answers that appear, simply observe with loving compassion and understanding towards yourself. Get curious about those answers as they very probably hold the key to liberation from the condition you’ve been battling with, but also a wonderful well of knowledge about yourself. Feel the gratitude for the infinite intelligence of your body that is trying to protect you at every step of your path.
You may wonder what came up for me during this process?
I realized that my depression gave me the permisson to put the smiley, energetic mask down and take a rest when I need it, not only “when I deserve it”; it gave me permission to feel down, sad and angry and embrace those emotions without feeling ungrateful or spoiled because “I have it all, so many people are jealous of my life circumstances, I should therefore be in constant state of bliss and enthusiasm”. I was officially “clinically depressed”, so I could blame the chemical imbalance in my brain for simply feeling what I was feeling and finally not having to mask it and hide it - neither from myself nor from others.
I remember like it was yesterday - that afternoon some five years ago - when I went to a therapist and she wrote down on paper: “depression and anxiety - pharmacotherapy needed” and the amount of relief I felt in that moment. It was like I was holding my breath for years and finally someone gave me a written permission to breathe out, to open the floodgates and let the tears roll out - there it was, black on white, the confirmation that something was “wrong” with me; there it was, black on white, the permission to be sad, to be dark, to cry, to suffer, to be imperfect, to be and feel… just what it is. It gave me permission to acknowledge my needs, honour them and express them (even though I am still working on this ‘till the present day); it gave me permission to show my vulnerability and to stop trying to trick the world and myself into believing I was some kind of superhuman that can endure all and everything; it gave me permission to put myself first, to tune inward, to stop obsessively people-pleasing and living my life to impress or meet others’ expectations; it brought me attention and warmth from my parents that I was craving for so badly since I was a little girl, yet didn’t know how to ask for. The list goes on, but I don’t feel comfortable sharing here those more intimate aspects that surfaced.
Now, as you slowly, gently and lovingly started asking yourself questions about which secondary gains are you reaping from your at first glance detrimental situations, I want you to let pass a few days or even a week (wait until everything settles down and you feel ready) and do the following thing: write a “thank you letter” to your anxiety, diabetes, depression, anorexia, broken arm, shortsightedness, excess weight or whichever way your gift came wrapped up as - whether you are still struggling with it or whether it’s a part of your past. Acknowledge how and in which way it helps/helped you and protects/protected you and express your gratitude for it. Once finished, read the letter out loud and, if called to do so - burn it, or otherwise save it and when the occasion arrives and you need a reminder of the infinite love that your body has for you - reread it.
For the end, I believe we should also consider changing the vocabulary we use when it comes to these kind of challenges. How about instead of “battling with” depression/eating disorder/chronic pain/etc, we embrace it, we open to it, listen to it, learn from it and when the time comes - lovingly let it go as it no longer holds lessons for us and it served the purpose it was meant to serve?
I love you. Be kind to yourself.
We are all creative.
Yes, ALL of us - even you raising your eyebrows and blowing off in disbelief while reading these lines.
If you find that hard to believe, chances are you’ve been confusing the word “creative” with the word “artistic” and not surprisingly so. Many of us use those words interchangeably, as they were synonyms, or otherwise addressing someone as being ‘creative’ while what they really mean is ‘artistic’.
Somehow it happened that our society started to use the term “creative” in contexts strictly related to arts and little by little we forgot that we all possess that often celebrated trait of “chosen ones”, that the creativity is the basic essence of our human nature. That does not mean that we are all artists in the primary meaning of the word, yet we all are Artists, we all are Creators at a much larger, grander scale.
As a part of the Creator itself, we cannot be anything else than Creators ourselves, creating at each step whether we are consciously aware of it or not. The ability to create lies within us and if we don’t claim it, embrace it and fully own it, if we don’t open ourselves up to learn its language and the ways in which it operates - it can easily happen that we proclaim ourselves victims of it and start to blame the external force for something in our life that’s the creation of our own.
The sole purpose of us being here on Earth is to create and explore the ever-growing limits of our creative potential and while doing so be witnesses of the expansion of the Universe and the collective consciousness that happens along the way. Times are coming (and they already came) when all of the beings will be finally faced with the power they have been searching for centuries out there - in the rivers and at the tops of the mountains, while it was always and since the beginnings resting in their very own hands, in their minds and in their hearts. The illusory idea that misguided us for so long, the idea that the power resides in something separated and external to us - has finally come to its last breaths and we are understanding that there’s nothing “separated” nor “external” in this Universe, so the only place where it can be ‘hidden’ is the place we never dared to look for until now.
Having the power comes with having the responsability. Knowing that it is in our hands to bring forth any idea from the higher realms into the 3D form is appealing and horrifying at the same time. It is not enough to know that we have the power to create - we have to train it, study it and get extremely honest with ourselves about what we want to create and why - is the desire for the certain creation coming from the heart place or from the Ego? But that’s the topic for another post.
If you are one of those “non-artsy” people that is still coming to terms with the discovery that you are indeed ‘creative’ too and wanna dive right into this new-found superpower of yours - go on and try it! Have fun, explore! Connect to that inner playful part of you, daydream and jump into the imaginative realms of your mind where barriers and limits no longer exist.
When you do something - anything - leave aside the idea of “how it should be done” or how someone else would do it and instead flow with your instincts, follow that fun-seeking, exploration-craving voice within your heart even if you don’t see where it is taking you.
Usually, we cannot see where it is taking us, because it is revealing new, magical places that our minds couldn’t come up with on their own - it is opening new spaces both to our own awareness and, at times, to the others' awareness as well - which leads to the enrichment and expansion of the collective knowledge.
It is exactly through surrendering and trusting THAT little, playful voice that discoveries and breakthroughs are made, both on individual and collective level - as if there was ever any difference between the two.
Lots of love,
When I talk to someone about the signs from the Universe, receiving messages from the Spirit or connecting to the Higher Realms asking for the guidance and direction, I am often met with confused looks.
I find that many people want to have some kind of confirmation from the Above, but live stuck in the belief that they have to be some kind of “special person” to achieve that, that they have to be one of the “chosen ones”, meditate X amounts of hours a day or have an elaborate spiritual practice in order to receive guidance from the Universal Intelligence.
None of that is true.
We all have the possibility to receive guidance and we all do receive it daily and in every moment. Universe is talking to you, the only thing you have to do is start listening and let go of the fixed expectations of how those messages should make their way into your awareness.
If you are waiting for some kind of mystical experience, an old man with long beard manifesting in front of your eyes giving you suggestions in deep fatherly voice - you’ll probably just end up disappointed and miss out the whole thing.
The first step to enter into the space of Universal Guidance is to open up your perception and get very present and aware of subtle things that pop up into your reality. Be aware of synconicieties, repeating numbers and random words, images, song lyrics etc. that in one way or another, for some unknown reason, catch your attention. And when that happens, do not just write it off as a “fun coincidence”, but embrace it and give thanks to the Universe for establishing the connection with you through that channel. Every time we decide to lean into the sign from Above and follow it all the way through, even though our logical minds can’t quite make sense of it, we strengthen the connection with the Higher Guidance and make it easier for the future messages to come through.
Acknowledging that the coincidences are just the way our rational brain tries to make sense of the stuff that are difficult to grasp from our physical perspective, but that there is a whole much more to it, is one of the most important steps, in my opinion, of strengthening our faith and connection to the Higher Realms (God/Universe) that hold the bigger picture of All-There-Is.
Furthermore, everytime we act upon that Guidance, surrender to its directions and see the wonderful results that follow up, we widen up our awareness to receive future signs that sometimes come in subtle and unobvious ways that often pass unperceived by the mind that is overly attached to the rational view of things.
It took me some time to develop my faith into trusting the signs that I couldn’t explain or see where they’ll take me long-term, but with regular practice and taking leaps of faith, jumping without the certainty that the net will appear - I became better at it and also started to take notes of each time I went along with the signs and how well it turned out at the end.
Here are some ways I talk to the Universe if I am in need of clarity about something:
ASKING FOR A SIGN IN A SPECIFIC FORM
1) Get clear about the question that you want an answer to - ideally it would be a yes/no question and the sign will mean that the answer is positive, but of course you can do it the other way around as well. Just make sure to set a clear intention.
2) Ask the Universe to send you a sign. It can be an image of a pink dog, a certain word or whatever else pops into your mind, just make it sure that you are very specific about the sign you want to receive to avoid the confusion or falling into mind’s trap that it is just a coincidence when the sign appears, ‘cause you chose something that can be seen and encountered very often.
3) Set the deadline. You don’t want to be waiting forever for your sign. Even though time and space we live accordingly to are just illusional and invention of our own in order to make it easier for us function in this world, Universe will adapt to that and send you a sign when you need it. Therefore, set the deadline of whatever amount of time you want. It can be a day, a week, a month. Be specific.
4) Let it go. Once you made the request, let it go and relax into the calm expectation of your sign or absence of the same if the answer to your question is negative. Lean into trust and don’t overobsess or try to push the circumstances to forcefully make the sign jump into your reality.
5) Stay aware of your surroundings and everything that catches your attention for one reason of another. That doesn’t mean being obsessive and overinvested into searching for the sign at every corner. Trust that it will make its way to your awareness without you having to try too hard.
CONVERSATIONS WITH THE SPIRIT
This is the other form of asking for the guidance from above that I heard about somewhere and, although very doubtful, decided to try out and see whether it’ll work.
And it damn well did.
The practice consists of taking a journal or a notebook and asking the question in written form by using your dominant hand. Question can be anything. From the most trivial stuff as “what am I meant to eat for breakfast for my highest wellbeing?” to “What is my life purpose?” You decide how deep you want to go for the day.
I usually start my mornings with this sets of questions from The Course in Miracles: “What would you have me do? Where would you have me go? What would you have me say and to whom?”
After posing the questions, take the pen into your non-dominant hand, place it on the paper, breathe in and settle in your body and see what comes out. You don’t need to think or invent anything, just remain a calm withness of whatever comes up, releasing the need to try to intervene in any way. What would you do with the answers and advice that come up is upon you, but let the Spirit talk freely.
I know it sounds really woo-woo and bullshitty (I felt the same way about this practice before actually starting it) but it works perfectly and accurately that it creeped me out in the beginning.
If any of you have some other tips, advice and experiences on the topic, I’d be more than glad to hear about it!
Lots of love,
I pulled my hair back from my forehead, preventing it from getting into the way. Once it’s over, I don’t want any scent to remain. I don’t want to linger here more than necessary.
Just get over it and move forward, flush the memory with fresh water and watch it disappear down the black hole.
Arched over the toilet, all of my body hurting, surrendering to the overwhelming urge to let it all out - the only problem is there is nothing left inside. The emptiness is too heavy for my system, it burns the walls of my stomach and melts the sore edges of my eyes. I breathe in deeply, letting my skin stretch out, allowing the warm air to caress my aching insides, breathing out rage, hate, pain, black, yellow and dense remains that I somehow believed to serve me.
You are safe now.
Why I keep feeling this way then?
If all of the demons are gone who is it that is ripping my chest from the inside?
It was always you who did that, the voice answered. There was never anyone else. No one else exists. You took their words, squeezed the juice out and drank it all the way down. It’s ok, though - that was the best you could do, it was the only thing you knew how to do. Now, however, you can choose again. I am giving you the opportunity to spit out those spiders, throw the poison out and fill their place with whatever YOU like. Choose wisely.
My knees are trembling as the last drops of the bittersweet liquid leave my lips. I can see faces and silhouettes forming out of the fumes of my vomit, shouting at me, trying to make me feel guilty, trying to make me change my decision and reopen the gates of my fortress. I am stronger now, though. I am not letting them find shelter in my rooms again.
Yesterday, while walking back home, I started picking flowers to put them into that room that had been left empty. I don’t know how to hold flowers and where to place them, they are uncomfortable to carry around, it is all strange and new and I am still getting used. My eyes tear up from their colours and their smell makes me cough.
Give it some time. It is this that you want, right?
It is. The faith that it’ll become more natural with time is what sustains me. The faith that it is really only me who can decide what and who can get in. It took me so long, but I finally learn that I can close the door at any time.
You see. It was always you. The one who picked the flowers and the one who cleared the way for the spiders to come in. Don’t forget that. It is the only thing that matters. Keep the room clean and safe, but don’t close the window, let the air and light sneak in. Mop the floors every once in a while, but don’t close the window. It is the openness of the window that matters, do you hear me? When you close it, you might feel safer, but that is when the Flow dies. That is when all those flowers you carefully carried all the way home will wither.
I love you and you are supported.
It is up to you to decide whether you want to see it or turn your head the other way.
It is up to you, darling.
But, whatever you decide, remember that there is always the opportunity to choose again.
Oh, young woman,
why are you so quiet?
How much more voice can you swallow
until you feel your lungs
bursting at the edges?
How many more dreams can you bury
until they start to haunt you
grasping for your ankles
and pulling you down
to the ashes?
Let us hear your screams
and the amplitude of your voice
let your cries
water this dry ground
so the new flowers can blossom
nurtured by your stories.
Turn your palms upwards
show us your shining scars
and those bruises
that pushed you towards
the wholeness of who
Your struggles are your lessons
and your mess is your message,
do not deprive us no more
of the lush of your wounds
as its sparkles the growth
within our forests as well,
and lights the hope along
this shared path
as you are we
When you hear the music, it is your duty to start dancing.
Do not question the rhythm. It is not your job to question the rhythm or bring your mind between the beats of the song. You just need to surrender to the flow and to the melody and make yourself as clear vessel as possible so that the stream of energy can move forward and take form into this physical time-space reality unobstructed and pure. You will be called to channel it in a form that suits your skills and aptitudes the best so do not question the form in which you are naturally drawn to express the Flow.
Just keep on dancing and be aware of thoughts that pop up in the process trying to distract you from the rhythm. Go above them and don’t let them pull you aside, as once the Flow is interrupted it is hard to come back. Once you miss a few steps, it is hard to jump back in. You may need to start from the very beginning again, but music comes when it comes, you cannot force the music to come, you only prepare the environment within your psyche so that it is susceptible for the Flow to choose your portal as one where it wants to be expressed through.
It is important not to stop dancing while the music is on. Edit later. Ponder about what happened when all is over, but don’t interrupt the Flow. Don’t ever interrupt the Flow. It is not you who is inventing the steps, steps were already there, they are just being expressed through you. Don’t take pride in what comes out, you didn’t create it. You channeled it. You gave the form to the content that is universal, infinite and never-changing, simply flowing through its endless variations of form so it can be available to all creatures on this Earth as not every form resonates with everyone.
Even when it’s over, when you look back and edit, do your best to leave the Ego aside. Your job now is to polish the form so that the content shines brighter, it is not to perfect the form so that you can get praise and approval while obscuring the content that lays within. By doing so, you are not serving anyone - you are doing more damage than good and you are not fulfilling your role as a channel for the higher wisdom to be expressed through.
We are creators, but not in the sense in which we believe we are.
Ideas flow around, going from person to person until they find the vessel clean enough through which they can gain form. You are form giver, a messenger, the connector of dimensions. Your job is to work hard, to find the best possible ways to represent the content as it is, without blurring it by the Ego’s hunger for praise. The creation is not about affirming the Ego and your specialness, it is about serving the collective, accelerating the expansion rate of this Universe and celebrating the Eternal Flow that runs through every particle of every thing, celebrating the Unity and Oneness and the Truth that’s at the base of our Existence.
can you please stop running
there’s nothing around the corner
just as nothing was
at the last one you checked
no place you need to be
instead root yourself to the ground
and get quiet
and watch as
the signs on the road appear
whispered from within
guiding you back
back to the place
you ran away from
so long time ago
that the shelter
you were seeking
“Don't try to comprehend with your mind. Your minds are very limited. Use your intuition.”
We live in a heavily left-brained society which means it's all about logic, rationality and scientifically based conclusions.
Growing up in a world like that it is very easy to lose connection with our intuitive voice or start questioning the callings from within as they more times than not do not have a "logical explanation".
As a highly sensitive person I've always been very aware of my intuition and its subtle messages - I'd literally feel a flush of energy rushing through my body and offering me clear guidance about which direction to take when facing a decision. Did I always listen to that voice? Of course not.
They teach us to think rationally, evaluate our options, think about advantages and disadvantages and choose the option that has more of the first and less of the second - nobody teaches us to go silent and do what FEELS right.
It is funny how we think that with our limited perspective we can make the "right" decision about anything at all while there is the eternal voice of our True Selves that sees the bigger picture and offers us guidance at any moment.
Most of us are programmed to doubt and question our "gut feeling" and challenge it by asking "why? why that way and not the other?" But intuition doesn't work like that. You will probably find out only when you look back why that decision was the right one at the given moment, but until then - you have to cultivate trust and develop faith in the existence and accuracy of higher guidance whose only job is to take care of you on this path.
Reconnecting with our intuition and reestablishing trust in it can be hard after years of suppressing, doubting, and ignoring, but it is not impossible. It requires us to go silent more often, tune into our bodies and feel the energy that rushes upwards as we ask the question we want an answer to. Acting upon it may be easy or difficult, but it would always FEEL RIGHT. That is also how we can distinguish intuitive voice from the voice of our Ego that may make us resistant to do the thing that we intuitively know is the right thing to do by reawakening some suppressed emotions that may discourage us to take the inspired action and flow with our intuition and instead make us run back and hide inside our cocoon of comfort, fear and smallness. Ego wants us to stay small, fearful and separate, intuition leads us towards expansion and oneness.
Living in tune with our intuition can be a challenge because most of the people we interact with on daily basis are simply so out of tune with their own inner voices that we may be perceived as childish, crazy or just making stupid excuses to avoid to do something. I still struggle with that and am trying to find a way to stay true to myself and at the same time don't offend or hurt people that i have to say "no" to. I still make stupid excuses because I cannot say that my gut is telling me not to go to that bar and that we should instead go to other... or whatever the situation is. People want a rational, logical explanation that "makes sense" to the brain, but not always to the heart.
However, maybe if we all gain a little courage and slowly start voicing our gut feeling to those surrounding us, maybe by doing so we can give them permission and encouragement to do the same and consequentially we can all create more tuned in and aligned society that can stop being so severely damaged by its "rational thinking".
Tune in, my friends, and allow yourselves to be internally guided.