I want you to know one thing:
Your body loves you.
Deeply and unconditionally.
In every moment of every day.
Even when it doesn’t seem so and especially then when it doesn’t seem so.
Even when you are stuggling and enduring those awful pains that cut through your head and above your eyes and nothing seems to help to alleviate them; even when you are losing your breath in the midst of a panic attack and your heart is racing like crazy and cold sweat is dripping down your back while you’re simply standing in the line at the grocery store and there’s no obvious danger in sight; even when you get overwhelmed with sadness and tears fill up your lungs and brain and spill out of your eyes while you are trying your hardest to hold them in and not let anyone see those deep oceans of pain that you’ve been swimming through; even when you are tired for days and weeks on end, lacking motivation and energy to do the simplest things; even when you get sick out of nowhere, just a day before that important event or trip that you’ve been looking forward for months, even when… (fill in the blank)
Your body loves you and tries to protect you.
The problem lies in our expectation that what it should protect us from is some kind of external “danger” or sickness, but the truth is that most of the times what it protects us from is, actually - ourselves.
To fully grasp upon this idea, we have to see the body not merely as a mirror of what’s been going on at the physical level, but as a physical manifestation of what has been happening on all layers of our body: mental, emotional and spiritual. It is when we don’t deal with the issues while they are still floating in those more subtle bodies, that they dense up and invade our physical bodies in order to call our attention. Not out of cruelty or some “evil fate”, but as a simple and direct form of self-preservation, as a survival instinct that we were gifted with upon the arrival on this Planet.
I know that in theory it may sound completely logical (or absolutely absurd and senseless if you’ve never come across metaphysical explanations of medical conditions before), but it is through integration of this knowledge in our own lives that we can truly reap benefits of it - if we are ready to look beneath our “misfortunes” and get honest about how they served us, how they protected us and from what and, eventually, reach the state of gratitude for those states, events and conditions, finally understanding that it was all along just our body loving us, saving us and protecting us.
It was not until recently that it became clear to me, as I was trying to explain to myself why I was getting fever and colds so often lately (it is the only way to stop me from running around like maniac, pushing myself way over my limits and overtraining for the sake of “mental health”, khm, khm), that I realized how those depression and anxiety I was “fighting” for so long (and that still sneak up and invade my system every now and then) were, actually, serving me. They were gifts I was trying to get rid of in every and each way possible before even unwrapping them and seeing what they’ve been holding inside. There is no condition, circumstance, relationship or behaviour that will continue being an active part of our reality (no matter how much we want the opposite to happen and are working towards it) if we are not getting so-called “secondary gains” from it.
Here is where things become tricky as we have to get painfully honest with ourselves.
How does depression and constant lack of energy serve you? What do they protect you from? Which of your needs are now getting met while without those conditions they weren’t?;
How does that abusive relationship that makes you suffer and cry all night through actually benefit you? Which of your needs are getting met in that painful and unloving situation?;
How does having social anxiety serve you when on conscious level you want to attract beautiful, deep friendships and you cannot even get through 5 minutes of introductory chat without getting into the freeze-state?
I could continue on and on with various situations and conditions, but you got the point. Ask yourself those questions, get the piece of paper and see what comes up - don’t filter anything, no one will see it, but do it for yourself - please, do it. The first time you start maybe just the superficial reasons will come up and few days later a new insight may emerge and let it be so… there’s no need to force anything or judge the answers that appear, simply observe with loving compassion and understanding towards yourself. Get curious about those answers as they very probably hold the key to liberation from the condition you’ve been battling with, but also a wonderful well of knowledge about yourself. Feel the gratitude for the infinite intelligence of your body that is trying to protect you at every step of your path.
You may wonder what came up for me during this process?
I realized that my depression gave me the permisson to put the smiley, energetic mask down and take a rest when I need it, not only “when I deserve it”; it gave me permission to feel down, sad and angry and embrace those emotions without feeling ungrateful or spoiled because “I have it all, so many people are jealous of my life circumstances, I should therefore be in constant state of bliss and enthusiasm”. I was officially “clinically depressed”, so I could blame the chemical imbalance in my brain for simply feeling what I was feeling and finally not having to mask it and hide it - neither from myself nor from others.
I remember like it was yesterday - that afternoon some five years ago - when I went to a therapist and she wrote down on paper: “depression and anxiety - pharmacotherapy needed” and the amount of relief I felt in that moment. It was like I was holding my breath for years and finally someone gave me a written permission to breathe out, to open the floodgates and let the tears roll out - there it was, black on white, the confirmation that something was “wrong” with me; there it was, black on white, the permission to be sad, to be dark, to cry, to suffer, to be imperfect, to be and feel… just what it is. It gave me permission to acknowledge my needs, honour them and express them (even though I am still working on this ‘till the present day); it gave me permission to show my vulnerability and to stop trying to trick the world and myself into believing I was some kind of superhuman that can endure all and everything; it gave me permission to put myself first, to tune inward, to stop obsessively people-pleasing and living my life to impress or meet others’ expectations; it brought me attention and warmth from my parents that I was craving for so badly since I was a little girl, yet didn’t know how to ask for. The list goes on, but I don’t feel comfortable sharing here those more intimate aspects that surfaced.
Now, as you slowly, gently and lovingly started asking yourself questions about which secondary gains are you reaping from your at first glance detrimental situations, I want you to let pass a few days or even a week (wait until everything settles down and you feel ready) and do the following thing: write a “thank you letter” to your anxiety, diabetes, depression, anorexia, broken arm, shortsightedness, excess weight or whichever way your gift came wrapped up as - whether you are still struggling with it or whether it’s a part of your past. Acknowledge how and in which way it helps/helped you and protects/protected you and express your gratitude for it. Once finished, read the letter out loud and, if called to do so - burn it, or otherwise save it and when the occasion arrives and you need a reminder of the infinite love that your body has for you - reread it.
For the end, I believe we should also consider changing the vocabulary we use when it comes to these kind of challenges. How about instead of “battling with” depression/eating disorder/chronic pain/etc, we embrace it, we open to it, listen to it, learn from it and when the time comes - lovingly let it go as it no longer holds lessons for us and it served the purpose it was meant to serve?
I love you. Be kind to yourself.
There are layers and layers of sadness
Embroidered in those two points
That make the upper line of the triangle -
that once was held sacred,
seen as the root of it All
- feared only by those
who of two centers
just with one were born.
So how it came to be
that the well of our strength
turned into the source
of our shame?
What had happened
that the flame
that warmed and nurtured
that gave life
and brought to the physical form
the timeless wisdoms
from the Above
had been denied its
What had happened
that even we,
in possess of it,
to brush the dirt off
and give ourselves in
to its nurturing love;
to look beneath the veil
of illusion and shame
that for so long
deprived our flame
from the wind
and the air?
Time has come.
Time has come, sisters,
to look down within,
to open the soil
with our bare hands
and let go of
all of the demands
that have kept us
afar from our holy lands,
separated from our core
and our only true anchor;
the everlasting love
of our real
We are all creative.
Yes, ALL of us - even you raising your eyebrows and blowing off in disbelief while reading these lines.
If you find that hard to believe, chances are you’ve been confusing the word “creative” with the word “artistic” and not surprisingly so. Many of us use those words interchangeably, as they were synonyms, or otherwise addressing someone as being ‘creative’ while what they really mean is ‘artistic’.
Somehow it happened that our society started to use the term “creative” in contexts strictly related to arts and little by little we forgot that we all possess that often celebrated trait of “chosen ones”, that the creativity is the basic essence of our human nature. That does not mean that we are all artists in the primary meaning of the word, yet we all are Artists, we all are Creators at a much larger, grander scale.
As a part of the Creator itself, we cannot be anything else than Creators ourselves, creating at each step whether we are consciously aware of it or not. The ability to create lies within us and if we don’t claim it, embrace it and fully own it, if we don’t open ourselves up to learn its language and the ways in which it operates - it can easily happen that we proclaim ourselves victims of it and start to blame the external force for something in our life that’s the creation of our own.
The sole purpose of us being here on Earth is to create and explore the ever-growing limits of our creative potential and while doing so be witnesses of the expansion of the Universe and the collective consciousness that happens along the way. Times are coming (and they already came) when all of the beings will be finally faced with the power they have been searching for centuries out there - in the rivers and at the tops of the mountains, while it was always and since the beginnings resting in their very own hands, in their minds and in their hearts. The illusory idea that misguided us for so long, the idea that the power resides in something separated and external to us - has finally come to its last breaths and we are understanding that there’s nothing “separated” nor “external” in this Universe, so the only place where it can be ‘hidden’ is the place we never dared to look for until now.
Having the power comes with having the responsability. Knowing that it is in our hands to bring forth any idea from the higher realms into the 3D form is appealing and horrifying at the same time. It is not enough to know that we have the power to create - we have to train it, study it and get extremely honest with ourselves about what we want to create and why - is the desire for the certain creation coming from the heart place or from the Ego? But that’s the topic for another post.
If you are one of those “non-artsy” people that is still coming to terms with the discovery that you are indeed ‘creative’ too and wanna dive right into this new-found superpower of yours - go on and try it! Have fun, explore! Connect to that inner playful part of you, daydream and jump into the imaginative realms of your mind where barriers and limits no longer exist.
When you do something - anything - leave aside the idea of “how it should be done” or how someone else would do it and instead flow with your instincts, follow that fun-seeking, exploration-craving voice within your heart even if you don’t see where it is taking you.
Usually, we cannot see where it is taking us, because it is revealing new, magical places that our minds couldn’t come up with on their own - it is opening new spaces both to our own awareness and, at times, to the others' awareness as well - which leads to the enrichment and expansion of the collective knowledge.
It is exactly through surrendering and trusting THAT little, playful voice that discoveries and breakthroughs are made, both on individual and collective level - as if there was ever any difference between the two.
Lots of love,